5 Steps to be a Joe Six Pack

All right, so you want to be a Joe Six Pack? Awesome, you've come to the right place. Here are 5 steps to becoming the main focus of this years election.

1. You are going to be needing a blue collar job. Whether that be a plumber, electrician, or auto worker, you have to be good with your hands. If you are a spaz, please leave. If you have less than 10 fingers, please stay. The more battle scars, the better. This business is all about being a total bad ass.

2. No college education. You aren't going to Harvard for one of these jobs! We are going to be needing to go to a specialty school that you see on commercials during "Maury" and "Jerry Springer". The more locations it has around the country, the better. If it's over the internet, thats a plus.

3. You are going to be needing to be chugging a six pack of broskis (beers) about every day. After a long day of plumbing, you are going to unwind at the bar, possibly cheat on your wife, get completely wasted, and possibly beat your kids when you stumble home.

4. Body odor (BO) is optional. If you got a pretty successful buisness going, you will be needing to shower about every three days. If you make less than 250,000, I am sure you can afford to shower only once a week. Washing your hands is mandatory about every 3 hours, just so you don't die from working with some extremely hazardous chemicals.

5. Guns. You will need to hunt once a week, and hopefully you will be targeting some endangered species of wolves or something. Gun of choice? Uzi, or perhaps a semi automatic pistol. That's why we got them legalized, am I right? With an Uzi, you will be able to hunt down so many squirrels, you will be able to feed your 8 kids, wife, and the family you got on the side, for about 3 weeks. Talk about a great deal!

Note: Joe Six Pack, if you are reading this, we really do love you. It's all in good fun, and by no means do I really mean this. Much love.