Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Check it out...Looks like a good movie. Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Justin Long, the black dude from Pineapple Express, and Superman make up the cast of this movie. I don't think Elizabeth Banks is all that attractive, but she has been in some decent movies. This film, directed by the one and only Kevin Smith, famous for the Clerks series, looks to be a promising comedy. Seth Rogen can be called todays comedy king for performances in Knocked Up, Superbad, Pineapple Express, and 40 Year Old Virgin.

Comment if you like it.

5 Steps to be a Joe Six Pack

All right, so you want to be a Joe Six Pack? Awesome, you've come to the right place. Here are 5 steps to becoming the main focus of this years election.

1. You are going to be needing a blue collar job. Whether that be a plumber, electrician, or auto worker, you have to be good with your hands. If you are a spaz, please leave. If you have less than 10 fingers, please stay. The more battle scars, the better. This business is all about being a total bad ass.

2. No college education. You aren't going to Harvard for one of these jobs! We are going to be needing to go to a specialty school that you see on commercials during "Maury" and "Jerry Springer". The more locations it has around the country, the better. If it's over the internet, thats a plus.

3. You are going to be needing to be chugging a six pack of broskis (beers) about every day. After a long day of plumbing, you are going to unwind at the bar, possibly cheat on your wife, get completely wasted, and possibly beat your kids when you stumble home.

4. Body odor (BO) is optional. If you got a pretty successful buisness going, you will be needing to shower about every three days. If you make less than 250,000, I am sure you can afford to shower only once a week. Washing your hands is mandatory about every 3 hours, just so you don't die from working with some extremely hazardous chemicals.

5. Guns. You will need to hunt once a week, and hopefully you will be targeting some endangered species of wolves or something. Gun of choice? Uzi, or perhaps a semi automatic pistol. That's why we got them legalized, am I right? With an Uzi, you will be able to hunt down so many squirrels, you will be able to feed your 8 kids, wife, and the family you got on the side, for about 3 weeks. Talk about a great deal!

Note: Joe Six Pack, if you are reading this, we really do love you. It's all in good fun, and by no means do I really mean this. Much love.

Twilight Cult?

A new cult that has been sweeping across the nation, stealing the hearts of pre and post pubescent girls across the country. Twilight. Yes, I said it. Twilight, the Stephenie Meyer #1 New York Times Bestseller. I hate to say it but I'm a part of this cult. At first I was embarrassed to admit it, now, I'm a proud Edward Cullen worshiper. (If you are a girl between the ages of 11-19, and you have read the first book, you know what it's like..) But I'm not here to convert you... yet... However, I will tell you that next month, the film version of it comes out. I checked out the playlist, and although I am not a huge Paramore fan it's not too bad. At first I thought it was a little dark, but it totally fits with the film. I've been a fan of The Black Ghosts, Iron & Wine, Muse, and anything that Rob Pattinson (he plays Edward, photo to the left) does. However I was pleasantly surprized by this playlist. Give it a listen. (www.skreemr.com)

1. Muse — Supermassive Black Hole
2. Paramore — Decode
3. The Black Ghosts — Full Moon
4. Linkin Park — Leave Out All The Rest
5. MuteMath — Spotlight
6. Perry Farrell — Go All The Way (Into The Twilight)
7. Collective Soul — Tremble For My Beloved
8. Paramore — I Caught Myself
9. Blue Foundation — Eyes On Fire
10. Rob Pattinson — Never Think
11. Iron & Wine — Flightless Bird, American Mouth
12. Carter Burwell — Bella's Lullaby

Bloc Party: Intimacy Review + Two Jams

John-o just came back to America from England. He will be here for a week. His party was actually out of control, and these songs I'm posting completely express how I feel, which is just crazy happy. MGMT, holla.

Intimacy was one of the worlds best kept secrets. Band frontman Okereke announced the albums release about a week before the release date. This was most likely done to avoid leaks. A Weekend in the City, Bloc Parties second full album release, was leaked to the public about five months before the release date. But this new album, Intimacy, fails to disappoint.

After the success of their last CD, A Weekend in the City, Bloc Party fans were expecting something special here. Older Bloc Party really had a wow factor that no other band had at that time. Essentially, Bloc Party about 3 years ago was to indie kids as MGMT is to hipsters today. It was just straight up cool to like Bloc Party. Intimacy combines the experimental sound of A Weekend in the City, and old school lyrics of Silent Alarm. Intimacy seems to pull everything out of the bag, from electronic sounds to trumpets. Okereke's vocals are truly sensational in this album. His emotional side is definitely shown on this album as it progresses. There is also more of a balance in this album. A Weekend in the City was simply too emotional at times, but Intimacy is balanced out nicely. This album is so original, and is something we are not used to from Bloc Party. But when do we ever get what we expect from Bloc Party? Bloc Party doesn't give us that wow factor we got in 2005 with Silent Alarm, but is definitely an album that will be blasted through car sub woofers.

Bump this:
MGMT - Kids (We Don't Care EP Version)
MGMT - The Youth (MMMatthias Remix)

Tricycles.

Everyone's ridden one. Everyone loves them. It's the commuting vehicle of choice, but very few people actual realize just how important tricycle choice is. When you're at the tricycle store, with Joe the Tricycle Repairman/Salesman, Joe's gonna wanna try and give you the most expensive, least valuable tricycle he's got, because he just had a crazy night with Joe Six-Pack and Joe the Plumber watching SPORTS and has a bit of a hangover.

BUT DO NOT GIVE INTO HIS SHENANIGI.
You have to know how to inspect each and every tricycle you see for pedal quality, wheel ratio, and stability. If you're buying used, I warn you, feel the tires for warmth. If Joe is trying to screw you, it will feel a little warm. This probably means that he took it out for a spin before to warm it up, because there's something wrong with it, like a cracked head.

While buying custom tricycles are best, not everyone has the dedication to keep up with tricycle maintenance to keep it in tippity-top shape, so here is a list of some you should keep an eye on.

Radio Flyer Classic Tricycle. A good fall back, with strong base bars, and a good frame. Small resistance, although the pedal radius is a bit small. A nice red sheen for all you hot rodders out there, eh, Cooper?
Sesame Street Push Trike. Do not be deceived by the paint job on this bike. Elmo is really cool. I mean really cool. But your eyes are so distracted by the beauty of it that you don't notice the blatant wind resistance bar in the back. You won't get a point over 45 MPH with that in the way.

Big Wheel. The obvious destroyer of all competition. Laid back seat position for maximum luxury. Yellow and black highlights to let the other motherfuckers on the road know that you're the shit. The official back to front wheel ratio has been calculated by experts to be an exact 1:2.213. Max speed is 72 MPH. And you'll feel good.
By observing the reference picture, you'll notice that the child in the image is the coolest kid on his block. In fact, he can't even comprehend how cool he is, and how awesome the big wheel is. Notice the clenched teeth? His head's about to explode from the awesome that is the big wheel.

What's Up With That?!

5. World Series. Holy shit. I'm not a huge sports guy, but I do enjoy SportsCenter every once an while. But I hate me some fucking baseball. But I guess if I ever had to root for a team, it would definetly be the Mets. I guess that comes with growing up 5 minutes outside of New York. One thing I love is a good underdog though. I was really hoping the Dodgers would do something. Phillies ruined my dream of the Mets winning, then the Dodgers winning. Wamp wamp.

4. Politics. Honestly, what do people expect out of a political debate from two teenagers? I think kids just argue about politics just to do it, because there is certainly no point. People come up to me and call Obama a socialist and a terrorist, and they don't even know what those two things are. So come on. You can like McCain because he helps your family out, and I will like Obama because he helps mine. Next time, someone is getting punched in the mouth. Really hard.

3. Max Payne. I torrented that movie, and I still felt like I wasted 10 bucks. That movie was just plain awful. Mark Wahlberg just isn't a hero. He's better as a guy with an Irish American accent screaming random words that no one cares about. That's my Mark Wahlberg. He's not good at fighting flying demon things. He's good at killing Matt Damon. Resident Evil was pretty bad, but this made it look like Lord of the Rings.

2. Kanye's new album. Look at a few posts down and you will know why. You have to rap, Kanye. Ever since "Stronger's" success, he has been a little too into the techno and auto tune. His first three albums were three of the best albums of the 21st century, so we don't have to end the run here. But I will give him this: he's a genius. I'm confident he can do great shit with 808s and Heartbreaks, but I guess I just don't want him to. Call me selfish.

1. I missed House. God I hate myself right now. "House" is the best show on television. Would you know Hugh Laurie is British without reading a biography? Nope. Sure, every episode has the exact same story line, medically. But the problems Dr. House runs into are weaved into the episodes masterfully. It's crazy how good this show is.

Cooper: the next Will Smith?

Cooper's life story:

Now, this is a story all about how
Cooper's life got flipped-turned upside down
And Id like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how Cooper became the prince of a town called Bel Air

in west englewood, born and raised
on the playground is where he spent most of his days
chillin out, maxin, relaxin real cool
shootin some lacrosse balls outside dwight englewood school
when a couple of guys who were up to no good
started makin' trouble in his neighborhood
he got in one little fight and his mom got scared
she said "youre moving with your auntie and uncle to bel-aire"
i whistled for a b&w cab, and when it came near
the license plate said "fresh" and there was dice in the mirror
if anything he could say this cab is rare
But Cooper thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

Cooper pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And he yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
He looked at his kingdom
He was finally there
To sit on his throne as the Prince of Bel Air